To the Me Who Thought the Rain Would Last Forever and Ever

Hello there, it's been a while, hasn't it?

You thought the rain would never stop, and that the clouds above you were permanent. I think I remember it all, perhaps too well, because after all, I was the one who lived through it together with you.

Getting past each day was a challenge, like you didn't believe in your own capability. But here I am, on the other side of the storm, writing to you, looking back and reflecting.

In case no one has told you this, you’ve done an incredible job navigating that overwhelming roller coaster of emotions that once felt impossible to control.

Before you say anything, yes I know it's an early warning sign, but no, I don't want to bring it up just yet. I've only just begun and the feelings are just too good to let it be "under control" again.

Here's what I want you to know...

"Don't Forget Your Umbrella"

It was around July 2021, almost 4 years ago, when I came close to losing myself...to myself.

Whenever the umbrella incident comes up, I can barely acknowledge it without cringing, and rather pretend it never happened, like some lost footage from a life I didn't live.

Maybe my minds tries to play a role of a protector, erasing and scarping those memories so that I don't have to go through them again, like those fancy psychological thrillers.

But no. Life doesn't work like that. At least, not for me. What happened stays, whether I want it to or not.

But here's the thing—the umbrella?

You might get a little confused when I bring it up. Before you ask, no, it didn't save me. It didn't magically stop the rain or make everything feel suddenly okay. That's not what it's supposed to do.

Although, to be fair to it, it also didn't give up on me when almost every finger pointed to the same direction.

The umbrella wasn't my saviour and all perfect, not by any means. It didn't shield me from everything, and couldn't even keep me completely dry.

But you know what? It was there, keeping me intact when the world felt like it was falling apart. It wasn't a solution, but it was a reminder that I wasn't alone in the storm.

At times, the storm bent it out of shape, but it never left, and was still offering a sense of protection

I learned in that moment that sometimes the things we cling to, the little sources of comfort we find, although, don't directly solves our problems, they do something way more powerful.

It gives us reassurance that we can survive the storm, that we have something to hold on to when everything feels out of control. And so, even if it couldn't stop the rain, it made me believe I could make it to the other side of the storm, knowing I wasn’t facing it alone in the pouring rain.

I didn't realize it at the time how crucial it was to saving my life, but now I sure do when looking back and reflecting all these together with you.

So, to the me who thought the rain would last forever and ever...thank you for holding on to that umbrella...even though the rain was still falling relentlessly. It didn't save me, but it helped me hold on.

And sometimes...that's already more than enough.