An Open Secret—The Little Voice Inside My Head?

I found a note on my phone. I didn’t write it. But it sounds exactly like me—only angrier.

Lately, I've felt like I forget a lot of things. Not like forgetting my house key card, my phone, or spending hours looking for my glasses only to find them on my head. But this is different. It's like time skips—like I go blank and there are gaps in my memory.

But it's not that dramatic. I don't wake up in a hospital or find myself wandering in the streets. I just forget I did things sometimes. For instance, I opened my notes app and found something I don't remember writing. Except no one knows my passcode, and I haven’t registered anyone else’s fingerprints on my phone, either. How could someone access my phone then? And the thing is...these notes, they sound like me. Well, not exactly. But it just looks like I was writing it when I was angry.

These thoughts in my notes app—whoever wrote them—while they sound like me, they’re things I don’t think I would ever say out loud. Not even in a whisper. Maybe I've just been too stressed. Maybe I just talked in my sleep and that my inner self has stepped up, uninvited and spoken up on behalf of myself. Maybe I need to get back on my sleeping pill.

I wish I could say this was a one-time thing, but it's been happening for months now. I need to discuss this with my psychiatrist. But my next appointment is in 2 months (my doctor said I was getting better and monthly check-ins weren't needed anymore. Plus, the extra money goes further towards the meds). Is it serious enough to warrant an emergency visit? Maybe not. I might be overthinking. Again.

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The notes read like a screenplay. One of them ended with this line, "If no one's going to protect you, I will". In a way, this excites me. Or this is just my brain’s way of telling stories—without waiting for permission? I can see a twist coming from a mile away. Concern would be the sane reaction. But I’m too fascinated to panic.

Still, I don't know what that means. Well, I do—it’s a simple sentence, but I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean. Remember that I analyze everything? This doesn't feel like a thought to me. It feels like a decision. But who am I going to protect? Who is 'you?'

Weird? Sure. To find something written that way. But I’m not the weird one anymore. The voice is. It's almost as if someone else is speaking, in my own voice, with my distinguishable accent. Like you're reading a version of yourself that's more unfiltered, and more dangerous.

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I'm thinking about writing back. Not because I believe someone is really there. But again, this plays like a scene in the movie where the little voice inside your head is trying to tell you something. I can't make sense of it yet. All I know is I need to listen carefully to what it says. Will I ever get a reply? Is it strange that I'm looking forward to it? Am I imagining things? But I've had hallucinations before and this doesn't feel like one. This feels too deliberate and seems like a clue to something.

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I checked the notes app again this morning. Nothing new. Just the old entry, but with a sentence I swear it wasn't there yesterday.

"Stop thinking. Start listening".

It's been weeks since I last opened the Notes app. I’m too scared to even think about it now. But deep down, I know new sentences are waiting for me. And they’re not finished talking.

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